Atheist Gamer Demotivational Poster

atheist gamer demotivational poster

It's tough not believing in god mode

Demotivational poster description: Photo of some douchebag playing with a pad. Probably author of this demotivator thinks that's how an atheist gamer looks like. I'm almost 100% sure that he/she is American.

Joke of The Day:

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Atheist Gamer Demotivator

Atheist Gamer Demotivational Poster

The Death Star Demotivational Poster

the death star demotivational poster

"what do you mean, they blew it up?! who's 'they'?!"

Demotivational poster description: The Death Star - fully operational battle station with laser capable of destroying entire planets with a single shot. One of the Galactic Empire ultimate superweapons, pretty cool I have to say. This is actually the first Death Star - they've tried to re-build it in "Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi", after destruction of this one in the "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" movie. Probably that was the reaction of Emperor Palpatine when Darth Vader called him with grim news about his precious super-toy, destroyed by a bunch of Rebel Alliance fighters. Rather this, or something like "Cool Story, bro!".

Joke of The Day:

One day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France.
Then, George Bush said, " If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!"
Then Dick Cheney said, " Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!"
Then Laura Bush said, " If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy."
Then the pilot said, " Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."

The Death Star Demotivator

The Death Star Demotivational Poster

Epic Paradox Demotivational Poster

epic paradox demotivational poster

if he says it will grow, but it doesn't, he's lying. but it grows when he lies, so he would be telling the truth. but his nose still grew while he told the truth.

Demotivational poster description: Pinocchio saying "My nose will grow now!" which makes epic paradox to happen. Where is your god now?

Joke of The Day:

A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
"Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.
"Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want."
Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie.
"You grant wishes right?"
"Yes." replies the genie.
"Hmm, I'd like a million bucks."
Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar.
"Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!"
His friends sitting at the table replies,
"Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"

Epic Paradox Demotivator

Girl Scouts Demotivational Poster

girl scouts demotivational poster

because next time, you'll just buy the damn cookies.

Demotivational poster description: House on fire with firefighters, well fighting the fire. That's in the background. In the foreground there is face of little girl. She is smiling and she is fancy oneself. Guess who set up the fire (arson) ]:->

Joke of The Day:

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty horny. He gets to the point where he can't stand it anymore.
So he decides to try and have s*x with the donkey.
He drops his pants and positions himself under the donkey. But, to his dismay, the donkey walks away.
Only slightly discouraged, the man decides to try again. He walks to where the donkey is standing, positions himself under the donkey, and right before he goes for it, the donkey walks away again. Now the man is getting frustrated.
As he prepares for his third and final try, he sees a vision. A beautiful, naked woman appears out of nowhere. She approaches the stunned man, who until recently, believed that he was the only person for hundreds of miles.
She smiles at him and says, "I would do anything for that bowl of fruit you have."
"Anything?" he says, getting fairly excited.
"Yes, anything." she replies.
So he says, "Will you hold the donkey?"

Girl Scouts Demotivator

The Purple Dragon Demotivational Poster

the purple dragon demotivational poster

You'll never catch him, no matter how hard you try... but it's worth the chase.

Demotivational poster description: Screenshot from "Heroin Hero" Playstation ( ;) ) game. In one of South Park episodes ("Guitar Queer-o" - watch South Park Epsiode Guitar Qeer-o now) Kyle plays it's as he is trying to relax from hard training in "Guitar Hero" game. The game "Heroin Hero" is about chasing the purple dragon. The player is injecting heroin into his vain in order to catch the purple dragon, who encourages the player to chase him ("Come on!", "Catch me!"). But remember - you will never catch the dragon! The game take action at some kind of park. Music is hypnotic, graphic is awesome - you can get addicted to it really fast. If you would like to quit you shall play "Rehab Hero" where dragon is chasing you, and you are trying to escape him ;) If you would like to play and get addicted you can do this below.

<a href="http://get.adobe.com/flashplayer/otherversions/">Flash Player</a> is Required to play this game.

Joke of The Day:

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.

Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled...
"SUPPLIES!!"

The Purple Dragon Demotivator

Size Demotivational Poster

size demotivational poster

yes, it does matter.

Demotivational poster description: Photography of two bullets, small one and big one. Difference in size is significant. By the way it's demotivator about guns not some human body parts, you horny devils ;)

Joke of The Day:

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR A*SE!"

The Teacher fainted.

Size Demotivator

Anime Demotivational Poster

anime demotivational poster

he's doing it right.

Demotivational poster description: Smiling ginger-white cat sitting on a bed. It's smile is 100% anime, kawaii and stuff. There is "Hello Kitty" pillow in the background. There is also "Hello Kitty" coverlet. The cat is wearing a collar with a fuchsia (it's a color, you know) bell (pink/red/purple/violet if you are man ;) ).

Joke of The Day:

There was three girls and they all had boyfriends and separate rooms.
The mom walked by all the rooms.
The first room she hears laughing, the second room she heard screaming and the third was totally quiet.
The mom was suspicious, so she asked the third girl why was she so quiet she replied, "My boyfriend said not to talk with my mouth full."

Anime Demotivator

Ambition Demotivational Poster

ambition demotivational poster

set your goals low, and you won't be disappointed.

Demotivational poster description: Fat guy laying on the couch, holding beer can. In fact this can is standing on his enormous stomach (belly). He felt asleep in front of table, littered with food, newspapers and crushed beer cans. Fine example of couch potato. Laziness is in the air.

Joke of The Day:

A girl invites her boyfriend home for dinner and tells him they'll go for a long ride after that.
Boy is eager and gets his motorbike checked at the garage. The mechanic tells him everything is ok except the tank cap, which is slightly loose. So as to avoid water going in, the boy immediately purchases a tube of vaseline and heads off towards his girlfriends house.
Upon reaching there his girlfriend tells him secretly that the situation in the house is bad as nobody at home has done the dishes or chores for several weeks and the house is a complete mess and that they had decided that whoever speaks first today at dinner would clean up everything.
Boy enters the house and sure enough the place is unbelievably dirty and everyone sits down silently at the dinner table. The boy gets a mischievous idea and jumps on his girlfriend rips of her clothes and has take her in front of everyone.
Girlfriend gets excited, mom is embarrassed and dad is furious. But nobody speaks a word.
After sometime the boy gets another idea and this time goes to mother and has s*x with her. Mother is excited, daughter and father are infuriated. But still nobody speaks.
A little more time passes and the boy hears a clap of thunder and remembers his bike and whips out the vaseline and gets up when the father screams ,"OH NO. I' LL DO THE DISHES"

Ambition Demotivator

New feature - Joke of the day

I was just wondering if anybody reads what I wrote below the demotiavtors. I don't think so, so we've decided to put a new feature - Joke of the day. Below every demotivational poster there will be joke - according to the Internet, funny one. We hope it will motivate (on demotivational site, kekeke) you to scroll down when crawling through demotivators ;)

The jokes will be applied successively to already published pages, so stay tuned ;)

Email And Bacon Demotivational Poster

email and bacon demotivational poster

this car has everything.

Demotivational poster description: Photo of part of car ventilation and heating system. Because of subtle fluctuation of spacetime continuum I don't have enough time to write anything else or more correct. I'll update it later. No, really!

Joke of The Day:

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Email And Bacon Demotivator

Gordon Freeman Demotivational Poster

gordon freeman demotivational poster

just shut up about halo before he sees you... oh he did? good bye!

Demotivational poster description: The main protagonist of Half-Life computer games series Gordon Freeman with a shotgun. There is Greek letter lambda in the circle in the background - prominent symbol throughout the series.

Joke of The Day:

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."

Gordon Freeman Demotivator

Evildawg Demotivational Poster

evildawg demotivational poster

says wtf is going on here?

Demotivational poster description: Husky (Polar Dog, cant' say if it's Siberian or Alaskan Husky) with really evil and mad face expression (you know, kinda 300 "THIS IS SPARTA!!!11oneone") looking behind the doors.

Joke of The Day:

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Evildawg Demotivator

You Fail At Failing Demotivational Poster

you fail at failing demotivational poster

no, that's not a double negative.

Demotivational poster description: Printscreen (screenshot) of Blue Screen of Death (BSoD, bluescreen). You can see that this computer has an Intel processor (CPU). There is an error alert message with "Bluescreen has performed illegal operation. Bluescreen must be closed." caption. Fail.

Joke of The Day:

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.
She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked:
"Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"

"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"

"Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair
remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have
really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they
will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under
your cassock?"

"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not
lie."

"You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask
you any questions", and she gave him the 'hair remover'.

The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented
himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to
declare?"

"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my
son",he replied.

Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the
sash down, what do you have?"

The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument
designed for use by women, but which has never been used."

Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father.
Next!"

You Fail At Failing Demotivator

nukes demotivational poster

when all else fails, brute force always prevails.

Demotivational poster description: Nuclear blast once again.

Joke of The Day:

A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop."
The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars."
The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars."
The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet."
The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done."

Nukes Demotivator

Stereotypes Demotivational Poster

stereotypes demotivational poster

they always seem to play themselves out.

Demotivational poster description: Black dude laying on the concrete pavement with watermelon fragments near him and some kind of soda in a plastic cup (could it be from KFC? ;) ).

Joke of The Day:

One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop.
J(ohnny):I want a pistol
S(alesman):Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols)
J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this,
S: An .44 Magnum? And for what purpose?
J: For shooting cans.
S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this one.
J: (points again on .44) No, I want this one.
S: And what cans will you shoot at?
J: Um...Mexi-cans, Portori-cans, Afri-cans...

Stereotypes Demotivator

Evacuation Procedure Demotivational Poster

evacuation procedure demotivational poster

remove the window, then just stand there and think about what you've done.

Demotivational poster description: Safety instruction from an airplane in which process of removing window is depicted. Instruction consists from three panels. First grabbing the window by the handles. Second removing the window from the wall. Third placing the window on the seat and standing still waiting for a death ;)

Joke of The Day:

A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in.
After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, "Oh well,I better get home.My wife doesn't like me to stay out during late night."
The first guy replies, "I'll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning."
The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try.
When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face.
As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet.
Seeing her he screamed, "What the hell are you doing in here?!"
"Quiet!", she exclaimed. "You'll wake my mother."

Evacuation Procedure Demotivator

Longcat Demotivational Poster

longcat demotivational poster

he's become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

Demotivational poster description: One of the last scenes from "Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi" photoshopped. Ghosts of Obi-Wan Kenobi (Sir Alec Guinness), Master Yoda (Frank Oz ;) ), Anakin Skywalker [alias Darth Vader, the real badass] (Sebastian Shaw, not Hayden Christensen) and Longcat (Shiroi) standing together.

Joke of The Day:

A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Fred is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The man slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, covering on the closet floor.
"You b*stard," the man says," my wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

Longcat Demotivator

2002 - Who's That Guy Next To Rachel Demotivational Poster

2002 - who's that guy next to rachel demotivational poster

2009 - who's that bitch next to house?

Demotivational poster description: Scene from a movie in which Rachel from Friends sitcom (Jennifer Aniston) is sitting next to Doctor House from House, M.D. medical drama (Hugh Laurie) in a plane. Laurie has a WTF?! face.

Joke of The Day:

A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time.
The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
"What happened to your feet?" his wife asked.
"I had a childhood disease called Tolio."
"Don't you mean polio?"
"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."
Men then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had Kneesles."
"Don't you mean measles?"
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."
When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"

2002 - Who's That Guy Next To Rachel Demotivator

My Brain Demotivational Poster

my brain demotivational poster

it has failed me.

Demotivational poster description: Scene from a comics with a Deadpool (one of the mutants in X-Men series owned by Marvel Comics). He is holding his head and screaming "You have failed me, brain!" (text is within word balloon).

Joke of The Day:

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her s*xual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"

My Brain Demotivator

Internet Demotivational Poster

internet demotivational poster

on it i'm a 15 year old girl.

Demotivational poster description: Black and white drawing of a man drinking coffee. Below this picture there is a caption "On the Internet, I'm a 15 year old girl".

Joke of The Day:

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

Internet Demotivator

Crayons Demotivational Poster

crayons demotivational poster

for colouring and shit, yo.

Demotivational poster description: Black, fat dude (nigga, yo) with neck chain with pendant which looks like box of crayons (64 crayons, all colors of rainbow).

Joke of The Day:

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants,and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.
She then asked him, "How does that feel?"
To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

Crayons Demotivator

Drugs Demotivational Poster

drugs demotivational poster

i couldn't quit you.

Demotivator description: Black and white photography of Heath Ledger (Joker in "Dark Knight").

Joke of The Day:

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
"Go get your Mother."

Drugs Demotivator

Snape Demotivational Poster

snape demotivational poster

you know what they say about men with big noses.

Demotivational poster description: Scene from one of Harry Potter movies with professor Snape. In fact he is only person on the screen. Or rather his face. He looks exactly like Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails, by the way. And you all know what's the big deal with big noses, don't you? ;)

Joke of The Day:

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

Snape Demotivator

Spore Demotivational Poster

spore demotivational poster

rated e for everyone?

Demotivational poster description: Screenshot from SPORE creature creator. The creature looks exactly like infamous Pedobear.

Joke of The Day:

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

Spore Demotivator

Sacrifice Demotivational Poster

sacrifice demotivational poster

all we ask here is that you give us your heart

Demotivational poster description: Mayan pyramid temple (or Aztec, or Inca, or any South America pre-Columbian civilization that has sacrificed people in the name of gods or something like that).

Joke of The Day:

John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident. He doesn't look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions. he looks like a mummy. John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes closed and isn't responding. Suddenly his eyes jump wide open and he starts to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he says:
"Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di merda ...."
John inscribes the words in his heart.
At the funeral John tells the black-clad widow that her husband had something to say.
'And, she asks with tearful eyes,"was it that he loved me? "
"I do not know," said the man, "but it sounded like Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, pezzo di merda ...."
The widow screams and faints.
"What?" John ask startled to the daughter, "what did he say, what does that mean?" And the crying daughter says:
"You are standing on my oxygen hose, you git."

Sacrifice Demotivator

Life Demotivational Poster

life demotivational poster

like a sphere; it has no point

Demotivational poster description: Black and white sphere sketch. Pointless like your life.

Joke of The Day:

A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the
young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed.
At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried. Next morning,not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow.
Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed, dead and vultures circling overhead.
The farmer runs out, looks down at the young roosters limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny bastard!"
And the young rooster opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says "Shhhh!,they are about to land."

Life Demotivator