The Gazebo Demotivational Poster

the gazebo demotivational poster

You Have Angered it.

Demotivational poster description: A really angry gazebo (it even has angry eyes) with "You have angered the gazebo!" caption. I would ran if I were you. This meme comes from a Dungeons And Dragons session - you can read the original story below.

Eric and the Gazebo

by Richard Aronson

Let us cast our minds back to the early days of fantasy role-playing... In the early '70s, Ed Whitechurch ran "his game," and one of the participants was Eric Sorenson, a veritable giant of a man. This story is essentially true: I knew both Ed and Eric, and neither denies it (although Eric, for reasons that will become apparent, never repeats it). The gist of it is that Eric... well, you need a bit more about Eric. Eric comes quite close to being a computer. When he games, he methodically considers each possibility before choosing his preferred option. If given time, he will invariably pick the optimum solution. It has been known to take weeks. He is otherwise in all respects a superior gamer, and I've spent many happy hours competing with and against him, as long as he is given enough time. So... Eric was playing a neutral paladin (Why should only lawful, good religions get to have holy warriors? was the rationale) in Ed's game. He even had a holy sword, which fought well and did all those things holy swords are supposed to do, including good or evil (by random die roll). He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred:

ED: You see a well-groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.

ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?

ED: (Pause) It's white, Eric.

ERIC: How far away is it?

ED: About 50 yards.

ERIC: How big is it?

ED: (Pause) It's about 30 feet across, 15 feet high, with a pointed top.

ERIC: I use my sword to detect whether it's good.

ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo!

ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.

ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo!

ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?

ED: No, Eric. It's a gazebo!

ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (rolls to hit). What happened?

ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.

ERIC: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded?

ED: Of course not, Eric! It's a gazebo!

ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a plus-three arrow!

ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a gazebo! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it wih an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#%$*& gazebo!

ERIC: (Long pause - he has no axe or fire spells) I run away.

ED: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you.

ERIC: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my paladin...

At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party members restored a modicum of order by explaining what a gazebo is. This is solely an afterthought, of course, but Eric is doubly lucky that the gazebo was not situated on a grassy knoll.

Joke of The Day:

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.
“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

The Gazebo Demotivator

The Gazebo Demotivational Poster

Never Tell Me The Odds Demotivational Poster

never tell me the odds demotivational poster

You never know, I might roll a 20.

Demotivational poster description: Pissed off Han Solo wagging his finger at somebody. Probably princess Leia Organa, Chewbacca, Obi-Wan Kenobi or Luke Skywalker. Anyway he is probably at his starship - Millennium Falcon, trying to make it fly over it's speed limit. Of course he will succeed ;]

Joke of The Day:

One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"

Never Tell Me The Odds Demotivator

Never Tell Me The Odds Demotivational Poster

Lobster Knife Fight Demotivational Poster

lobster knife fight demotivational poster

Words cannot express the awesome.

Demotivational poster description: Epic knife fight of two lobsters in the kitchen. Seriously - two lobsters, holding a knife in their claws (one knife for each lobster), stand facing each other on the kitchen floor. They are going to duel, probably for some nice Ms. Lobster with huge claws. As you can see seafood is epic, so don't wait - you and your friends buy a lobsters and arrange Lobster Arena. There can be only one!

Joke of The Day:

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Lobster Knife Fight Demotivator

Lobster Knife Fight Demotivational Poster

Relationships Demotivational Poster

relationships demotivational poster

Sure there are plenty of other fish in the sea. But you're not anywhere near the sea. You're in the desert. Alone.

Demotivational poster description: Lonely guy in the desert (on a dune). Alone. Only with bag for his company. And photographer of course ;) Sand is white, sky is cloudy and there are mountains in the distance, far away.

Joke of The Day:

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" the man replies. "Can you get him for me?" she asks. "I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't", breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him", she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the woman's room."

Relationships Demotivator

Relationships Demotivational Poster

True Compassion Demotivational Poster

true compassion demotivational poster

The ability to reach out and really touch someone over a mile away.

Demotivational poster description: Sniper team consisting of a sniper (sharpshooter, highly trained marksman) with a rifle and a spotter with a spotting scope and binoculars. They can really touch you from over a mile away. They're laying on a rocky beach. There is a building and a truck in the background.

Joke of The Day:

A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair was standing at a bus stop.
Few moments later an elderly man stood near him and kept staring at him hard.
Annoyed by the stares the guy asked him, "Wotz up oldie! Never done something wild?"
To this the old man replied, "Yeah,I f*cked a peahen once and I'm wondering if you are my son."

True Compassion Demotivator

True Compassion Demotivational Poster

Longcat Demotivational Poster

longcat demotivational poster

Holds No Sway Over The Power Of Widedog

Demotivational poster description: Really fat dog - widedog. It's easier to jump over him than walk around him. Seriously.

Joke of The Day:

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

Longcat Demotivator

Longcat Demotivational Poster